A short piece on how much I love my cat, and why a new artist/album discovery shouldn’t be more comforting than a friend… yet that seems to be the place our world is at…
…
I was freaking out all weekend because my cat is acting strange – almost like he’s as depressed as I am. He won’t eat, he won’t relax, he hides in the bathroom, he’s less affectionate than normal, his purr has softened. It’s horrible seeing him like this.
Horrible.
All I want to do is help him however I can… only he can’t tell me how to.
‘Strange the ones you love…
Could bury your body underground”
“I forgot to fake the way that I was feeling…
I guess it’s too late, now all my cards are showing”
It feels like something happened to him, and now he just wants old his life back, but can’t seem to forget what did happen.
It’s like he feels just like I do, only I would never throw my hands up and tell him “I don’t know how to help you.” I’m here for him, because I love him, and I know what it’s like when the people you care for are never there for you.
“But when I get home, I can’t be alone, can’t you see?”
“You scare me with your indifference…”
I know people who don’t seem to know what that feels like, in fact they tell me they have too many people to keep in touch with – a friend to talk about every different show they watch. They have a birthday party and a screening of a short film to get to today, but they don’t know how to help me.
No, they can’t be bothered trying.
Instead they’d rather put words in my mouth and patronize me for getting upset at the prospect of one’s opinion that crazy fit/stupidly attractive people sleeping together – cause they’re also sad – is not actually a problem.
“I’m just asking for a friend…
But it’s good to see you, good to see you again”
“I think it’s suspect you ever feel lonely at all…
You’re faking, You’re faking the fall”
Here I am – sitting all alone, as I’ve done for years – comforting the only companion I have left… my kitty… I feel isolated… I feel alone… I feel fucking awful… but I’m not going to leave him.
I’m not going to dismiss his feelings.
I’m going to do whatever I can to help him through this, not ignore his what he’s going through because I’m too caught up in my own life. No, I’m going to sit here with my cat. I’m going to spend the only day off I have (of which the remainder will be spent on school work and other stresses) caring for a creature I deeply care about.
“I’m nice, I’m too nice to you
Now what, what else can I do”
“When there’s nothing more to say
And I’m still with you every day?”
I would never concede that I simply don’t know how to help him.
I would never imply, dismissively, that he is but a liability in times like this.
No… I’m going to do my best to make my cat’s life a little bit better today…
…
For the moment, my buddy is sleeping soundly on my bed after a long petting session. It took all morning to get him to settle (he passed away a few weeks after I posted this).
Rest in peace, Breezy.
Projector of Feelings 